sugar. my drug of choice.

With apologies to Shakespeare...

Sugar, thy name is enemy.

Sugar is indeed my enemy.  It has been for a long time.  And I'm finally realizing what it's role is in my life.

Hello, my name is Debbie and I'm addicted to sugar.

I have struggled with my sugar intake for years.  And years.

I have always been a chocolate fanatic...

I have been known to eat jelly beans for breakfast in the spring...

 My ultimate weakness is Cadbury's Easter Creme Eggs.  Oh how I love thee...

The average American consumes almost 80 pounds of sugar each year.  80 POUNDS!  That's 8 ten pound bags.  Eight. Per Person.  Per year.  

And it doesn't help that my husband works for a major candy manufacturer.  And brings all sorts of stuff home with him.

Sugar really is my drug.  I use it to feel good.  I use it when I'm feeling down.  Sad.  Angry.  Tired.  Happy.  Excited.  Stressed.  Bored.  Whatever emotion.  I use it.

And once I have it, I want more.  It gives me a buzz, and then I want another buzz.  It feels good at that moment, but then I crash, and I want another hit.

Just like a drug. 

It turns me into another person.  When I crave it, I lose all sense of self control.  I just want more and more. I forget all the ramifications of it.  I forget the insulin problems.  I forget weight gain, heart disease, diabetes, cancer, crashing, liver damage, the shakes, poor skin.  Sugar just takes over and messes with my brain and body.

And then I feel like garbage.  Physically.  And mentally.  Guilty for giving into the drug.  Guilty for not having the control to get it out of my life.

But now, I'm taking back control.  I'm getting it out of my life.  I'm on day 2 of no sugar.  And by no sugar I mean no junk - no sugar on anything.  No candy.  No chocolate.  I know there is sugar in other stuff.  But I'm talking about added sugar.  Sugar by choice.

It's hard.  But it must be done.  I don't want the effects of this drug on my body anymore.  Or on my mind.  I can say no.  And I will.

Does this mean that I won't ever have sugar ever again?  I don't know.  That I won't ever enjoy some chocolate? I don't know.  But right now, I'm not having it in my body.

If I do have it back in my life, I will only do so if I am able to control my consumption.  But like a drug, does having a small amount mean that I will be addicted to it again?  I don't know.  I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

But for now and the foreseeable future, I'm going to be drug free.

Confessions of a (former) Professional Chocolate Taster

Last summer I accepted what I thought would be a dream job. 

Professional Chocolate Taster at a major candy manufacturer.

As a self professed chocoholic, I thought I had died and gone to heaven.  I love chocolate.  I have always loved chocolate.  I can never get enough chocolate.  And now, to be paid to eat chocolate?  Can it get any better?

The job was great.  I met wonderful and fun people.  It was only for 6 hours a week, spread over 3 days - perfect for a re-entry into the work force with young kids at home.

I tasted amazing chocolate.  I learned about tastes, odors, and foods other than chocolate.  It was fascinating to be exposed to the intricacies of what we eat and why we eat it and what makes us want more.

But then over Christmas, I had an epiphany of sorts. (good timing for an epiphany - pardon the pun)

What was I doing to myself?  I was trying to lose weight.  Run faster.  And most importantly, come to grips with my sugar and food issues.  What on earth was I doing as a chocolate taster?

I reflected on the past few months as a taster.  I had been exceptionally tired.  Grumpy.  Moody.  Yelling at the kids a bit more than normal.  Just in an all around funk.

And then I got some routine blood test results.  Cholesterol up over 20 points.  Blood sugar up to just 4 points below pre-diabetic level.

That's when my epiphany happened. 

The sugar.  The chocolate.  They were the last thing my body - and mind - needed.  Most of the candy I tasted I spit out.  But my body was still absorbing some of it.  How can it not?  What was I doing to myself? 

I had my dream job, but at what cost? 

So last week, I said goodbye to the chocolate, goodbye to the job and goodbye my new friends. 

It's been a week, and already I feel like a different person.  I've virtually cut out added sugars from my diet.  I'm following Weight Watchers on-line.  And I've lost 3 pounds.

I wouldn't trade those few months as a Chocolate Taster for anything.  Besides being fun, it was pretty cool to tell people what I did and watch their eyes grow big and mouths water!

But sometimes what we think is perfect turns out to be anything but. 

I will never give up chocolate totally. 
There will always be room for an occasional nibble. 
But I'm going to leave it at that.