Thursday, March 7, 2013

sugar. my drug of choice.

With apologies to Shakespeare...

Sugar, thy name is enemy.

Sugar is indeed my enemy.  It has been for a long time.  And I'm finally realizing what it's role is in my life.

Hello, my name is Debbie and I'm addicted to sugar.

I have struggled with my sugar intake for years.  And years.

I have always been a chocolate fanatic...

I have been known to eat jelly beans for breakfast in the spring...

 My ultimate weakness is Cadbury's Easter Creme Eggs.  Oh how I love thee...

The average American consumes almost 80 pounds of sugar each year.  80 POUNDS!  That's 8 ten pound bags.  Eight. Per Person.  Per year.  

And it doesn't help that my husband works for a major candy manufacturer.  And brings all sorts of stuff home with him.

Sugar really is my drug.  I use it to feel good.  I use it when I'm feeling down.  Sad.  Angry.  Tired.  Happy.  Excited.  Stressed.  Bored.  Whatever emotion.  I use it.

And once I have it, I want more.  It gives me a buzz, and then I want another buzz.  It feels good at that moment, but then I crash, and I want another hit.

Just like a drug. 

It turns me into another person.  When I crave it, I lose all sense of self control.  I just want more and more. I forget all the ramifications of it.  I forget the insulin problems.  I forget weight gain, heart disease, diabetes, cancer, crashing, liver damage, the shakes, poor skin.  Sugar just takes over and messes with my brain and body.

And then I feel like garbage.  Physically.  And mentally.  Guilty for giving into the drug.  Guilty for not having the control to get it out of my life.

But now, I'm taking back control.  I'm getting it out of my life.  I'm on day 2 of no sugar.  And by no sugar I mean no junk - no sugar on anything.  No candy.  No chocolate.  I know there is sugar in other stuff.  But I'm talking about added sugar.  Sugar by choice.

It's hard.  But it must be done.  I don't want the effects of this drug on my body anymore.  Or on my mind.  I can say no.  And I will.

Does this mean that I won't ever have sugar ever again?  I don't know.  That I won't ever enjoy some chocolate? I don't know.  But right now, I'm not having it in my body.

If I do have it back in my life, I will only do so if I am able to control my consumption.  But like a drug, does having a small amount mean that I will be addicted to it again?  I don't know.  I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

But for now and the foreseeable future, I'm going to be drug free.